The Art of Abbreviations

It's not too hard to find fundamental issues with the English language if you search a little below the surface, and one way to improve it in a convenient and light hearted manor is to create your own words basically, via the art of abbreviations (abbrevies).

To some, the thought of such an idea is nonsensical and pointless. Personally, I'm of the opinion that they're creative, smart, intelligent and utterly brilliant.

This is a simple way of personalizing the English language yourself with everyday phrases, and it's brilliant fun.

For example, words that are a bit of a mouthful like 'achievement' and 'underestimated' can easily be shortened down to 'achevvy' and 'underezzied'.

The spell check on here is going crazy by the way with all these abbrevies, and there another red jagged line has appeared...

Lets be honest, dropping random words that nobody else knows the meaning of into an everyday sentence is pretty cool, and also makes you feel superior to them in a way as they try and get their head around simple phrases such as 'I dunna reck if I'm hon'. The confusion on their face is truly brilliant.

The aforementioned phrase has been created by shortening words that aren't even a mouthful to make them quicker to say and make simple phrases roll off the tongue. The full phrase in standard, boring English is 'I do not reckon if I am honest.' Be hon, you read that in a posh accent, didn't you?

This whole process should be treated as nothing more than a lighthearted bit of humour and nothing too serious, yet look around and abvrevvies are all over the place, littering society with the utter pointlessness.

Simple examples include everyday nouns such as 'pub', 'PC' and 'loo' which are used instead of their full names of 'public house', 'personal computer' and 'lavatory' respectively.

This shows that abbrevies are part of everyday life and without them the English language would be far less convenient and would sound very different.

For example words such as 'won't', 'don't' and 'can't' are all abbreviations commonly used to shorten terms like 'will not', 'do not' and 'cannot'. These abbreviations have been accepted into society because they are convenient, simple and speed up the process of an everyday sentence. Yet if you thought my abbrevies were stupid, then technically these are just as bad.

For starters, why is an apostrophe needed? It's utterly pointless. The apostrophe is there is indicate that at least one letter is missing from the phrase. For example, 'don't' is missing an 'n' and an 'o' from its original form 'do not'. What is the point in stating that a letter or two isn't there? I think it would be quite clear from the word 'dont' that there are letters missing from the term 'do not' hence why it reads 'dont' instead of 'do not'. it's common sense.

If this logic was consistently used in life there would be apostrophes in the FIFA headquarters stating that there was once a non-corrupt, competent leader and now there is not, only Sepp Blatter. The same theory would mean apostrophes would be found in the charts, stating there was once tolerable and reasonably talented music here, now it is missing and we have the displeasure of listening to N-Dubz making us cringe until you stab your ears to the state of deafness. Or simply turn off the radio, whichever is easiest.

The problems don't end there as the abbreviations aren't even technically correct. Can anyone explain to me how 'won't' is a shortened version of 'will not'? Surely, based on the rules that create 'don't' and 'can't', it would be 'willn't' instead of 'won't'?

The whole process doesn't make sense and means that sentences that contain the original term in its full form 'will not' appear not to make sense.

Say the phrase: 'Won't you shut up?' and it seems perfectly plausible, yet repeat it in its form of inception: 'Will not you shut up?' and it appears to be total nonsense, simply because nobody says it that way anymore and the abbreviation is nothing like the original.

'Do not you want to go and get some dope Leroy?'

The same applies for the terms 'Do not you want to go?' and 'Can not you go?'

That brings the thought of a mindless, drunk chav starting on one of their victims and intimidatingly asking, 'Do not you want to go?' That would be classic.

Abbreviations are also used to create hidden or secret nouns for certain items, this is obviously so nobody listening knows the topic of subject. This is commonly used in the world of drugs as terms such as 'Cannabis' tern into 'weed', 'puff' and 'dope'. Technically, these are more substitutes than abbreviations, yet their existence is still for a similar achevvy.

My point is, as silly as the logic of 'abbrevies' might be and how unbelievably crap some of them might sound, they have been accepted as a part of modern day language through the process of word of mouth where the habit has spread.

The most successful ones are used on a daily basis and aren't seen as abbreviations but an official term. Ask people if they want to go to the 'public house' and they'll look at you with a tilted head and crumpled eyebrows in a look of confusion; yet ask them if the want to go to the 'pub' and I'm sure they'll know what you're on about immediately.

What I would encourage anyone to do is be creative and create as many confusing and pointless abbrevies as possible to add to the English language's infinite collection. That way you're contributing to society in your own little confusing and pointless way. Like an MP I suppose.

Maybe one day I'll create an abbrevy dictionary, publishing my genius breakthrough in language to the whole world. Would it be a hit? I reck if I'm hon, obvs.