Never Confuse Music And Football

Recently, I noticed that I haven't updated this blog anywhere near as much as I should, especially considering my aspirations to be a journalist. So what could be a better way to return than with a post combining my two favourite things, music and football?

Those of you that have read my previous posts or know me personally will be aware that I like a moan about something now and then. Unfortunately for those of you who were expecting a calculated, methodologically and critically considered discussion of an intelligent topic, you might be a little wide of the mark. Don't let that put you off though.

As previously mentioned, I'm here to discuss music and football and particularly the former. One thing that really annoys me is when people mistake music for football. Hear me out.

You may be wondering what kind of dim-witted simpleton could possibly confuse the two, and come to think of it, so am I. What I'm referring to is when people treat music as if it's a competition, I can't say it's a major issue in my life but when it occurs, it's fairly annoying. I'm not one to care much about other people's opinions, but it's the principle of their beliefs that I'm bothered about.

Let me explain. The people I'm referring to are those that dislike the Rolling Stones because of the Beatles, or dislike Oasis because of Blur. I have no problem with people disliking these bands if they chose to (despite me liking all four) but their reasons seem invalid. The people I have an issue with are those that dislike a band because of the 'rivalry' that exists between the relevant band and a band they're fond of.

This kind of behaviour is perfectly applicable to football, it's expected that a Man United fan will dislike Man City; or a Liverpool fan will dislike Everton. This is because football is a competitive sport where teams are pitted against eachother. Music is not the same.

Music is there to be enjoyed, it's not to create rivalry or hatred.

I don't understand how one person can love Blur but hate Oasis (or vice-versa) simply because of this nonsense view that a likeness of both can't co-exist. This brings me back to the belief that you can't pick and choose what you like, especially music-wise. You hear what you hear and like or dislike it, you can't make a conscious decision to dislike something, it's something natural that you can't control. Blur and Oasis made similar music in the same genre, if you like one then it's practically impossible to hate the other.

Some may say that the personality of the band members is another factor. I simply reject this point. As a football fan, I dislike Luis Suarez. I think he's a cheating, diving little scumbag, but I can appreciate his world class talent. You can relate this to someone like Liam Gallagher, who isn't everybody's cup of tea to say the least. Some may debate his talents, but personally I think he's a great. Considering many feel he's among the greatest front men of all time I'm not alone either.

You can't deny that he played a major role in making Oasis who they were. Okay, he may not have had the creative influence Noel had but that wasn't his role. That's like saying Bobby Moore wasn't a significant part of the England 1966 World Cup winning team because he wasn't a creative player like Bobby Charlton. The fact that the High Flying Birds aren't as successful as Oasis lends itself to the opinion that Liam made a huge difference. How Beady Eye compare to NGHFB though is a totally different argument.

My point is, personalities shouldn't matter much in music. I like Oasis and if I did had heard them before I knew who Liam was and what he was like, I wouldn't suddenly decide to hate it just because I heard some explicit anecdotes. I think Oasis needed Liam's controversy and sharp tongue to compliment Noel's comparatively more calculated approach.

Back to my original point, I remember when I played an Arctic Monkeys track in the company of a mate (who's a Manc) and he responded with "What's this shite from Sheffield doing on?" Clearly, they weren't over the war of the roses and still held a grudge over Yorkshire. This predetermined that he couldn't like Arctic Monkeys before he'd even heard their stuff, simply because of where they were from. I'm fully aware his comments had a light-hearted tone underlining them, but the principle still puzzled me.

Maybe my point about competition not being the point of music is why X-Factor is becoming an increasing failure. Acts aren't developed to be entertaining, but the pressure of competition limits them to what their audience want to hear. This ignores to primary objective of music: to express yourself, but instead focuses on a desire to win. Acts are now brought up in the fashion 'to not play well but scrape a 1-0 away win at Stoke/Sunderland/Fulham' rather than forget what the average hormonal X-Factor voter thinks and do what they please.

In conclusion, music is an art, not a sport. And it should be treated accordingly.

Rant over.

Judging the Judges, X-Factor's Latest Laughing Stocks

The X-Factor, like it or not, is back. So queue the generic episodes and a carbon copy of every previous series this time round, will it ever change?

Technically yes, this year it has changed. Simon Cowell has decided that he can't be bothered to judge on his own show which is fast becoming a laughing stock, so he's got some generous friends to do his job for him. I'm sure he'll take the all the money that the show makes though.

The familiar voice of Dermot O'Leary created a warm welcome to what otherwise became a show that did nothing to convince you to watch again.

"The wait is over, and the X-Factor is back" O'Leary proclaimed, thank god the wait is over I thought to myself, thank God. I was disappointed not to hear that 'my Saturday night starts right here' maybe even he realizes that his old catchphrase is a blatant lie and bit of unjustified optimism.

Despite the similarities with previous series, there's changes to the X-Factor this year. The most striking was the judge's choice of transport to the o2 arena.

Ditching their usual flash 4x4s, Walsh and co decided to show off even more than I thought was humanly possible by flying in helicopters to their venue. Is that really necessary? I bet Bill Oddie would have had a fit if he'd been able to get a Freeview box in his badger hole.

In typical X-Factor fashion, everything was dramatized for extra effect. Give the X-Factor directors a video of Louis Walsh opening a packet of crisps and I'm sure with some special effects and over dramatic music, it would have the atmosphere of a Westlife concert.

We had the usual props of fire and explosions to provide an erotic backdrop for the new judges to burst onto the scene, after they'd parachuted out of their helicopters of course.

The whole show had a very generic feel, so much that I had a serious case of deja vu, I swear the same thing happens in every X-Factor audition episode.

Dermot then went about over complimenting the new judges over the incredibly dramatic music, I was convinced at one point that he'd burst out 'Louis, I am your father!' It was that dramatic, it truly was.

The first judge to be introduced was Kelly Rowland, I thought to myself 'Christ, Danni's plastic surgery has gone to a whole new level.' It turned out that Danni Minogue wasn't a victim of the 'MJ effect in reverse' but in fact, she'd just been replaced, because she was crap.

The new panel in all their glory

To satisfy the judge's egos, as well as making them seem endearing to the loyal X-Factor faithful, hundreds of compliments had to be thrown at them, I would have preferred bricks to be honest.

'International pop superstar' and 'Kelly started out alongside Beyonce in Destiny's Child, one of the world's biggest girl bands.' were what O'Leary claimed to be a fair description of Kelly, whether they're true or not is up to opinion, but it's funny how Beyonce is used to show how successful Kelly is.

In comparison to Beyonce, Kelly Rowland's success is like comparing Chesterfield to Manchester United. It could be worse though, at least Kelly gets a mention. You have to feel for ' the other one in Destiny's Child' who doesn't even get a mention because nobody knows who she is. Surely 'one of the world's greatest girl bands' members would be known by most?

Kelly's typically cheap cliche in her VT was "It's hard work to get to the top, and it's harder work to stay there." My reaction to any cliche is, shut up and give me some bloody information which doesn't sound like generic bullshit, and my reaction to Kelly was the same. And Tulisa, and Louis...

The second judge to be introduced was Tulisa from 'biggest hip hop band N-Dubz.' Queue every single viewer cringing to the core and most saying 'who the hell is she?'

Hardly a household face, Tulisa had to reassure the viewers that she knew what she was on about, which is very hard. Stating that you're a fan of N-Dubz is basically like admitting you're a former drug addict and have an ASBO, admitting you're part of N-Dubz is like suicide.

As predicted, Tulisa's VT was filled with cliches as well: "I want to bring some fireworks to the judge's table." My immediate reaction to that was that I'm not sure it's too safe to let off fireworks indoors, and the security men might have something to say about it. Then I realised it was just another crappy cliche. Typical X-Factor I suppose.

Tulisa then turned her VT into a laughing stock by admitting to the watching public that she has no life what so ever and had a drastic childhood, basically anyway.

"I've been in N-Dubz since the age of eleven." What a poor soul.

Tulisa then reassured viewers that she has some talent and determination by stating "We have worked our but off to be where we are. We script our videos, we write our songs." Well Done. Do you want a medal?

It's clearly apparent that Tulisa isn't on the panel for her knowledge of music, but simply to replace the sex appeal lost in the absence of Cheryl Cole, as if Louis Walsh wasn't enough...

Speaking of the Irish bombshell, he was next up for O'Leary to drown in pathetic comments.

As usual, the arrival of Louis on the screen could only mean one thing, a Westlife montage was played in the background just to remind us all of his obsession with the Irish; his great mentoring skills and finally, Westlife's fourteen number ones!

Louis' cliche was 'The new panel has given me new energy, it's like I've got new batteries!' I wonder if we take his batteries out he'll shut up?

The viewers then had the pleasure to be filled with a constant supply of bullshit, just like every episode. With Louis proclaiming 'I was the first to spot JLS,' No, correction: you were the only one that got picked out of the hat to mentor them. Another one who deserves a medal there.

The final part of the eccentric quartet is Gary Barlow, who takes the record as the slowest talking human ever. Whenever I hear his name, I have the urge to repeat it in an incredibly slow fashion, verging on the retarded. A bit like Matt Damon on team America.

Dermot  put his neck on the line and risked a raging Louis Walsh when he said that Barlow was from 'the biggest boy band on the planet.' I could just imagine Louis storming into the shot screaming 'Fourteen number ones! Fourteen numbers ones! And you still say Take That are bigger then Westlife!?!' Now that, would be good television.

Barlow, due to his obsession with speaking like the world's in slow motion, took half an hour to complete his VT. His cringe-worthy cliche was "I'm bringing a ton of experience, and I'm willing to share it with all these people." In what was meant to sound like the inspiring words of Jesus, he actually sounded like Steven Hawking. That sentence took him seven minutes to complete by the way.

As the show went on, it was hard not to notice that Barlow was attempting to replace the brutality lost without Simon a bit too much. He was trying too hard to be harsh and give an exaggerated judgement, which sums up the X-Factor really.

"If I don't think they're good enough, I'll be brutally honest. People's perception of me is about to change" That's probably for the best Gary, anyone that isn't Take That's biggest fan thinks you're a bit of a dweeb.

It wasn't all bad though, after each judge had been introduced, a montage that we see every year was shown. This was filled with even more cliches from talentless contestants which is almost enough to make you want to change channel and watch the cricket, almost.

This two minute video contained clips of people swearing, judges and contestants crying, sudden aggressive outbursts and freeze frames on ugly faces (usually Louis Walsh's).

The funniest moments of the whole show were found during this video, with a contestant saying Tulisa was very rich for saying that she couldn't sing. Who else felt a great deal of satisfaction that common sense had prevailed at that point?

Despite the obvious bullying towards Adele, it was hard not to see the funny side when one contestant claimed she wanted to be 'Bigger than Adele.' What does she want? A free year's supply of McDonald's and Mary Byrne as a dietitian?

It was hard to sit through all the cliches as they kept on coming: 'I want this so much'; 'Music is my life' blah blah blah.

It was incredibly refreshing to hear some truth when amongst these comments, a contestant claimed he wanted to be on the X-Factor, not because music is his life or he wants a new start in life, but because he 'wants to sleep with as many girls as possible.' Well said that man!

Frankie Cocozza provided the audience with a laugh at his sheer arrogance and refreshing tone to accompany his scruffy teenage image, oh and the names of seven girls' names tatooed on his bum. Classy.

He's the kind of contestant viewers either love or hate. At least if you do hate him, you can tell him to stick his microphone right between his Katie and Natasha (up his arse if you were wondering).

Let's hope that Franky is a sign of things to come and the contestants actually have some character and laughability, otherwise, it could be another long series. Let's just hope this series doesn't mark the conception into the music world of another Cher Llloyd, or even worse, Tulisa.

Why Overplay Is The Greatest Musical Sin

Having listened to 'Fast Fuse' by Kasabian already today as I was watching the slightly less boring than usual tennis; I couldn't possibly listen to it again for at least another 24 hours.

It may sound like I'm the ambassador of the OCD Members' Society, but I cannot bear to listen to the same song more than once a day. It's like the thought of having two bowls of cereal a day, it's just not right.

This 'rule' of which I must obey is to avoid the greatest musical sin: overplay.

Music is like prostitutes. Good the first time, but they slowly deteriorate for whatever reason with excess use.

It's the same with films as well, watch them too often and the appeal is just lost. Like visiting the same holiday destination year after year; like eating the same meals day after day; like being an accountant. Life can easily become monotone and quite boring, look at John Prescott for proof.

If the same song is replayed often it must be popular for whatever reason. Lets take 'Sex on Fire' by Kings of Leon for example. A good song, but it was regurgitated more than a bulimic's dinner by constant overplay.

The song now has over 37 million YouTube hits. This is simply far too many and the song has now lost any musical novelty and has almost became a cliche. The band have even been quoted saying that they don't like the album 'Only by the Night' anymore, due to the constant playing of the singles. Turn on the radio and within minutes I think you could find a station playing 'Sex on Fire' or 'Use Somebody'.

This is why I'm happy that my favourite songs aren't in the charts.

My favourite tracks include 'Making Up Numbers'; 'Veiled in Grey' and 'Shake Me Down'. You may not have heard of any of them, and that's brilliant, because that means the radio probably hasn't either.

I am sort of grateful now that chart music is full of talentless rubbish that makes my ears bleed because never mind how much I hear it, it can't get any worse.

I'll go back to my prostitute analogy and represent this with a disabled hooker whose face has been burnt off with a blow torch. Never mind how much they're used, it can't really get any worse.

In comparison, I'm glad my Indie Swedish pornstar with long blond locks and double Ds isn't in the charts. That way she won't deteriorate with time and be thrown on the music scrapheap of 'heard that, incredibly repetitive, got the t-shirt'.

I feel for bands such as Kings of Leon, Arctic Monkeys and the likes, because they've been punished for making great records because they've been ruined by DJs with the musical variety of a Spandau Ballet tribute band.

In short, to keep your favourite songs your favourite: never listen to the radio and never listen to your ipod. Keep the songs in a little safe box and revisit them every few months as a treat, like a bottle of vintage Rose.

During the mean time, I've only got 21 hours and 36 minutes until the one day deadline has passed and I can listen to Kasabian again. Tic. Toc...

Top 90's Tunes

Okay, I may have been born in 1995, making my arrival too late to be considered a 90's kid as I hardly remember the 90's, never mind claim I grew up then, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the top music that came out of the era that was the 90's.

In an era where Playstation was born, Tamagotchi's ruled supreme and 'Girl Power' was the motto, music had alot to live up to following the 80's, but with bands like Nirvana, U2, Oasis and Take That, plus solo artists like Britney, Kylie and Robbie, music in the 90's didn't fail to meet the public's high standards, and, unlike today, the charts were filled with top stuff. So after asking for the opinion of friends, and after scanning we7 and Wikipedia from top to bottom, here's my favourites...

15. Faithless- Insomnia, this is one of those classics, with few lyrics and a laid back style to the song, Insomnia was just one of dance god's Faithless' hits and was first released in 1995, with the original being nearly 11 minutes in length. The radio edit was cut down to just 3:34 thankfully, as never how good a song is, it is vulnerable to being over played and after just one song of 11 minutes it'd get boring, a top tune though that kicks off my top 15.

14. The Verve- Bitter Sweet Symphony, when it hit the charts in 1997, Bitter Sweet Symphony was seen as as Wigan based 'The Verve's' biggest hit and peaked at #2 and it's album 'Urban Hymns' The violin rift makes this song unique and notable, meaning this song will be a timeless classic, well worthy of it's placing at 14.

13. Cornershop- Brimful of Asha, a catchy tune released in 1997 and remixed by 'Fatboy Slim', the later's chart position was significantly higher than the original, reaching #1 in 1998, but I still prefer the original, basically for it's originality (surprisingly) and acoustic feel. The song was written in tribute to Indian singer Asha Bhosle, any coincidence that it was sang by a group called 'Cornershop?'

12. Foo Fighters- Everlong, in all Foo Fighter's long career, I don't think they've eclipsed 'Everlong' a rock masterclass from the dawn of summer 1997, of which I have to say I've mastered on Guitar Hero, and I have to admit it's the first time I've encountered the song, shameful I know. After being brought up in pop music, as reflected by my higher listed songs, I'd never came across 'Everlong' until 'Guitar Hero World Tour', and ever since, it's been a favourite of the time.

11. Westlife- Flying Without Wing, unlike the above songs, I actually remember listening to this song in the 90's, rather than just appreciating it in the next decade. With my sister being obsessed with Westlife at the time, it would have been a crime not to include the Irish pop geniuses, and after finding out 'Uptown Girl' was released in 2001, this was my automatic replacement. This song has a unique feel to it, a classic. The amount of times you've heard the expression 'Flying without wings' in real life is untrue and a tribute to Westlife, who's newer material I have to say just isn't the same. 

10. The Goo Goo Dolls- Iris, a typical example of a song that you can't put a name to, but after recommendation from a friend (who remains unnamed) this was a certain for the top 10, why isn't music like this anymore?

9. Nirvana- Smells Like Teen Spirit, any guitarist will be appreciative of this classic piece, a little too shouty for my liking, but just imagine sweating your head off in a sweaty gig, shouting your face off to this little beauty. Classic.

8. MC Hammer- Can't Touch This, two words. Ultimate tune. Everyone must have done this at some time, during an awkward silence shouting, Stop! Hammer time! If you haven't, please do so soon, it's a brilliant laugh, and everyone is guaranteed to sing 'Can't Touch This'

7. Robbie Williams- No Regrets, a personal favourite, and anyone who doesn't like Robbie deserves a long lesson in music, ignore his drug addictions, and personal troubles and listen to the music. This song is also very personal to Robbie as he wrote it himself about his feelings after leaving boy band Take That, as the last line say 'I guess the love we once had is officially. Dead'

6. Blur- Track 2, a typical feel good track if there ever was one, during the pop battle with Oasis in the 90's which I wish I was old enough to remember) Blur released this to turn many to 'the dark side' in the battle, my opinions on the battle remain private...

5. Oasis- Masterplan, ...until now, there was really only one winner wasn't there? The charisma, brilliant songs and all round legendaryness of Oasis makes them the best band of the 90's for me, and 'Masterplan' was a great example of why, an eye opener to all the 'music' in the charts today, of which there is none.

4. Take That- Back For Good, now this is a song that everybody knows, sings along to and takes them back. After Robbie Williams' departure from Take That, could they return with anything good? The answer was a resounding 'Yes' and this is a timeless classic. Also a good song to sing at very amusing yet insensitive moments...

3. Eiffel 65- I'm Blue, some may say this is one of the most annoying songs of all time. Most however, will agree with me and say that actually, it's a brilliant feel good anthem written by Italian group Eiffel 65, which was their only song of note, by what a song it is, a great song to end the decade.

2. Wet Wet Wet- Love is all Around, another beautifully sensitive song when sung well, and Wet Wet Wet's cover of the song, originally performed by 'The Troggs' is my favourite simply for it's beautiful tone, this version was sang as the soundtrack for the movie 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' and is a notable song with famous lyrics, one of my all time favourites.

1. U2- Beautiful Day, I never actually realised that this song was a 90's hit, I, wrongly, thought it was a 'naughties hit' it was an automatic number one for my list. This song conjures up images of  a summer's day without a cloud in the sky, a 'Beautiful Day' and the ultimate feel good song. A worthy number one for me.